Promises

I heard your voice from a distance and I only felt an inkling of resistance. To the sound of a ghost who occupies my mind.

The waves of you and I flow as a frequency, a steady light I twirl
in the hope of returning.

Depletion.

I feel a draught running over the hard edges of my parched tongue
longing for the essence of who you are.

You are a lighthouse.

Jesus Christ.

You are soft and gentle

                                                           Like the breeze from an ocean.

You roll over me as a bird skirting

the tops of trees with her body.

You are a wave that crashes upon the land

on high tide.

And I miss you when I see pretty things alone.

Why are you not here with me

                                                to guide me into the unquestionable future?

I look for you as I come across the land

patched with sunshine through the leaves and branches.

                                                     In awe I wish to see you there with me.

But I must jump with my eyes wide open instead of shut.

I must take the leap that I know I can land

without hurting or falling too far.

This is a slow process but one of sweet honeysuckle

and memories that link us together like wild fern growing

                                                           through out the wooded grove.

Oh my sweet, the sun is shining the heat is heavy.

But I can shoulder it for now.

I must learn to pace myself.

Teaching myself lessons that are rewarding.

Sleepless nights go on into the morning

the night fades into to the sun as if it never happened.

And I begin to dis-remember as everything shifts into the light.

The open wounds lay agape on their backs

their hopes unsealed aiming toward the healing sun.

Where are you?

Why don't you come?

A piece of me

You want a piece of me do ya?
You want to take a dig out of my flesh with that caustic remark?

Too bad.

Yeah, I was hurt by it and it threw me for a moment
but I am tired of people looking down on others.

For whatever reason that they choose
whether it be to feel better about themselves
or just they are that hollow.

You won't do it anymore I won't allow you to.



Every chance I have I'll stop you
I'll tear you apart with my very own teeth.
You will be defeated while in my presence
spirit of haughtiness, you are going down.

And the people that are haunted by you will be freed
from your reigns every chance I get.

I will smile and laugh at your defeat
I am no longer fearful of your opinion
I am however ready to cease you.

The ones that are your slaves they won't know what is coming
when I tear you to the floor with grace and fluidity.

I am a queen, a princess, a fearsome creature
a force to be reckoned with.

Beware.

I've so long sought for my niche'

I've so long tried on things and taken them off finding they don't quite fit me.

So many ill-fittings in this world there is not often something that suits me--
nothing just right for me. It saddens me quite often that I don't know how to share who I am
through what the world offers to me.  It is a task that is ongoing and tiring but one that
I cannot quit.
There is a drive inside me that longs to discover pieces of me here on this planet.
A passion to express myself in ways that I feel are perfect and fulfilling.

It will continue until I travel onward to a new world, to a place I don't remember
just right now. But I know that is where I once came from.

Music is hard for me to love -- all the time.
I can never find something that lasts that I love forever.
Everyone is able to relate to music everyone is able
to find themselves in it. But for me... I have to continue
searching for newness in it. Opening doors that have yet to be
flung wide.



I find that so much of myself shifts and moves there is a current
that it flows with and that current is continuous. I guess I must learn
the currents of myself to truly discover where I may find ways to
enlighten the world with what that I am.

And I mustn't  be frightened as to where those currents will take me
I must look with brave, accepting and ambitious eyes on the things that
I am. Or else I might lose them in the muddled confusion of shame.

Hey...

It has been a little while now hasn't it?

Well I have had some time to spend away from writing sometimes I need that time
sometimes I have to let all the words bounce back and forth around my heart
and let them bottle up..

Oh, so not a lot has changed I feel that progress has been made though
but looking from the outside in you'd think we were standing still.

What is it that I came here to say? Sometimes I feel that my way with words
has been crippled and beaten to the point of no return.. I don't feel the fluency
I once felt a long time ago. But I guess you could say I do feel more aware of
what I am speaking instead of just writing to release something.. Maybe
that is the issue I am oh so very aware.


I feel that I need an outlet to express myself I've come to a point where
I need something.. I need to learn how to do something so I can learn
how to express who I am through some form of art or release.. Just
casually sitting around in this world isn't enough for me to get by on.

I need more.

So I am looking to learn I am not sure what yet
eventually all the things I want to learn I hope
someday I will have. But where to start?
I want to learn guitar and I want to learn piano
I want to learn to sew to sew in a way that is more than
what I already know. I did teach myself so my world is a little
limited in that respect.. I want to learn to paint, to draw and to create.

Someone please help me do these things.. I need it.. I need them
to survive. I feel the days of ahead of me warning that I should
find an outlet soon.. I am going to need it.

The candles burning to the right of me are beautiful and smell wonderful
they are so expressive in the way that they fume with their light and
they feel so ... alive.

I want to feel that I want to feel connected to some kind of flame
some kind of something inside of me that is able to be shown the path outward
with delight and a little bit of beauty here and there.

Oh someone please help this path along.

My camera is broken for the time being so I've had that taken away from me
I have no outlet.. I could draw and paint but I really don't know exactly how..
I do these things but with no skill... I can draw things and they resemble what I
sought them to.. but I want it to just flow out of me instead of having to figure out
the way... I want to feel fluid and free and feel the harmony of creation coming off of me.

I need these things... I need them soon.

Something to take hold of

I really wish that there was something that I could grab a hold of

right now it seems that I am in an ocean of confusion

I am not rooted to anything just floating about in the big

blue and grey water traveling only because the current

takes me where it wishes.. other wise I feel that I would

stand still with no current (time, people, thoughts, occurrences , life, everyday)

moving me along forcing me this way and that I feel as if I am a drifter.

No home. No Branches. Just me.

Not always do I feel so discomforted

sometimes I catch my breath but

but most of the time it is like this.

I am just ready to catch a break.

Be released of this pain that encumbers me.

I resist and fight but there is a retort

an evil laugh that sounds like disgruntled

horrified coyotes in the distance that

grow nearer as I try in spite of it all

to push on to find footing and bearings.

I wish it would end I wish all of this would stop.

Please let me be free of the torment..

Just let me be.