flight path

We should not and cannot limit ourselves to anything.

That would be limiting ourselves to life I see so many open doors these days
so many fresh ideas and hope, I wonder where they have been for so long,

And I remember that people stifle themselves by playing the look-a-like game
by doing what the crowd has already done and then pretending to break out
of the norm but they do it because that's what everyone else is already doing.

But, I see a huge bronze door creaking open I hear the
whir of the wind behind that door
there is life that is seeping through and I am pushing forward
opening it with all the weight of my
body, and the strength of my limbs.
The will of my heart is the power to withstand all that comes at me
and it is weak, but in that Jesus is strong.


I am learning to not be jealous ..
" that you need to stop comparing yourself to other people. Some people are great singers, some are really smart and others are great athletes. But none of them are, or ever could be you. You are one of a kind. So stop comparing yourself to other people. You can't be them any more than they can be you."

I need to learn this.

To let go of all the pain that is inside of me.
I don't want to let this insecurity out especially on an online blog somewhere that I cannot rip in to a million pieces for no one to find and or ever read but I think this is a must this is where it needs to be this time it requires to be permanent.

I need to let Takeo love me like he says that he does I need to believe him when he says he'll love me forever and that he is different. He doesn't look at other girls he says there are no other girls and I try
then  I look around and I see every other guy coveting the flesh of another girl
other than their significant other.

I see men in relationships stare other girls down while they are at dinner with their girlfriends or wives maybe just a date, but it all still means the same thing no matter where you are at in the relationship.

And it pains me there is an ache that never really leaves just hidden somewhere in between present chaos the pressing matters that need to be dealt with in the now all the pain has to be buried deep until I cry at night and yelp out for pains sake.

It is hard for me to believe that I am in the only girl in the world like he says
who could really believe that? I've never seen that kind of love before the kind
that says "I only have eyes for you" and means it.


Especially when I am head over heels in love with him and he could truly hurt me if I let him.
It takes trust to get hurt and it takes letting go to be burned.
And it takes all that to truly love the person you are with it takes all of the
open doors to pain to truly feel love.

My grip loosens and my feet are slowing leaving the ground they've been on so very long.
And I guess that's why I can finally write about it because I am overcoming.

The closer I get the more I lose my breath sometimes when the thought of pain rushes in out of nowhere, like feral waves burning mad. And I have to fight it I have no other choice of course I am tempted to run it's all I've known for ages. But when he tells me there is another way and holds me sweetly as I cry and he has no idea why. I know there is another way and I will fight for it as I fight for gaining my life back from the dead I will fight for this love I was given as well. I will be not be silenced nor will I drown in depression or thoughts of what if's or could be's. I cannot and will not be left behind to myself.