flight path

What do I really mean?

Sometimes I am such a mystery even to myself I have so many complicated layers

I even have layers in my layers. Anyone remember that part in Shrek? "YOU'RE AN ONION"

I am getting there finding my stride as my mother would say.

I feel much more myself than I ever have before I say that then remember when I was five and younger

and I remember bliss to myself at least. The battle to know who I was and the choices were easier

I was still human though.

I am still human though and a complicated one at that.

But I am recognizing these things now.

I have a little room to grow I have a little sun I am growing towards.

I feel like an enigma. I don't like it.

But I like myself more than I ever have before the capabilities I am seeing in myself the things I see myself doing. I know what I can be and what I am. Before I had no idea what I could be or give but that was all a part of the process.

I know how to heal someone and I know how to just be.

And that's why I like myself.

Because I have eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart and hands and able body

to accomplish good.

Of course I can look at myself (and I do, especially at night.. especially in the quiet.)

And see the mistakes and the moments I wish to change or take back. I look at certain of

those moments and wonder who was in control at those times. I feel mislead. but that's okay.

I wasn't coming back the same person this time.

I came back more gentle and a lot more compassionate sweet and revealing of my heart.

I am not willing anymore to let pain consume precious moments in my life she had her go
but pain sooner or later becomes a choice. And I am kicking her out of my life she needs to go
go. go. go.

Every argument that has valuable issues to be dealt with can be dealt with
but as we resolve it there will be not be friction like there was before.
There will be openness and forgiveness and I will let you in,  I will.